Contemporary theorists of family and kinship emphasize its fluidness. Processes of mating and becoming parents do not have clear rules and people must explicitly define their partner commitments and family arrangements. I explore the ways surnames are employed in the negotiation of kinship and making it obvious. Focusing on women’s perspective, I analyzed data downloaded from internet chats where (mostly female) participants discussed family-related topics. Findings confirm the the negotiated nature of family relationships and illustrate how social norms are being reinterpreted and accomodated to particular situations. As a result of a number of repartnered families, biological kinship loses its importance in defining close kin relationships, and instead their social and emotional basis is emphasized. The norm of nuclear family sharing a surname is challened and alternatives are prefered by some women, despite being restricted by less flexible codified norms.